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21 July 2017
Morning Sedition

Marmite, Vegemite & Promite (Oh My!)

Marmite Fan

Buying bread from a man in brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, do you speak-a my language?
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich

"Down Under", Men At Work

Marmite is a disgusting, noxious blend of yeast residue left over after fermenation, salt, and vegetable flavors. (No, I am so not making this up.) It tastes, well, like salty chemical waste. As a skilled chef, I am absolutely befuddled that people will eat Marmite when they could eat actual food. Besides the British who created Marmite, nobody eats this stuff except for the Australians. They like it so much they created two homegrown alternatives: Promite and Vegemite. Comparisons may show the products have a slightly different taste, but I doubt this matters except to fans.

Marmite Jar (front)

People simply binned the by-products of brewing before they knew any better.

History of Marmite,

Uh, no, they binned it because they knew it wasn't food. Even Marmite's manufacturer admits not everyone likes this glop:

Ever taken a good look at engine grease? Like a real up-close look? Ever compared the two? A pot of Marmite and a thick scraping of burnt oil? Exactly.

Birth of Marmite,

Marmite Jar (back)

But that's not the best part. It seems that Marmite is running television ads — what better way to attract people to eat axle grease that tastes like it's made from ebola cadavers — that cause children to need therapy:

LONDON (Reuters) - A Marmite advert that parodied 1950's science fiction film "The Blob" has been banned from all childrens' programmes in Britain after leaving kids too scared to watch television, the advertising watchdog has said.

Two Marmite adverts featured a giant brown blob rolling along a crowded street, terrifying some people who tried to flee while others ran towards it with delight.

The advert ended with Marmite's slogan: "You either love it or hate it".

"Marmite blob ad 'terrified' children", Reuters, 16 March 2005

Oh, and this posting is a historic occasion; it is the first legitimate posting in the zymurgy category. (What a truly frabjous day this is!) I'll leave it as an exercise to debate whether or not that was why I posted it. Ok, I won't leave it as an exercise. It wasn't. I just noticed it when I was checking off categories, that's all. (And, technically, it isn't the first legitimate one. The Starck beer package was really the first, but it was borderline.)


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